The Awkward Truth About Honest Friendships

Reading through Proverbs 27 to 29, I found myself circling back to a few verses about friendship. Not the sentimental kind, but the kind that involves honesty, friction, and even discomfort. One line in particular caught my attention: "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17).

The image is tactile and a little harsh—metal grinding against metal. It makes me wonder what kind of relationships actually make us sharper. Do most of us really want to be sharpened? Or do we just want to be affirmed?

Trusted Wounds and Dangerous Compliments

A few verses earlier, there’s another observation: "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" (Proverbs 27:6). It's blunt. The idea that someone who cares about you might hurt you—intentionally or not—because they’re telling the truth? That’s complicated. Especially in a world where criticism can feel like betrayal and silence often passes as kindness.

I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to avoid the sharpening process altogether. Social media tends to reward harmony and like-mindedness. Even in close relationships, there's a tendency to avoid hard conversations. It’s more comfortable to stay on the surface.

Flattery: The Friendliest Trap

But according to this text, that comfort might not actually serve us. The verses suggest that real growth might require tension. Not conflict for its own sake, but the kind of honest interaction that can make both people better. Maybe even the kind that stings a little.

Then there's the flip side: flattery. Proverbs 29:5 says, "Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet." That metaphor—laying a trap through praise—is unsettling. It suggests that not all kindness is rooted in goodwill, and that sometimes it might be safer to hear hard truths than easy affirmations.

Friendly Fire or Constructive Criticism?

I don’t have a clear takeaway, but I do find myself questioning how often I let others sharpen me—or if I even allow it. Do I surround myself with people who challenge me in constructive ways, or just those who agree with me? And am I willing to be the friend who risks tension in order to be honest?

These chapters seem to draw a line between relationships that are comfortable and those that are meaningful. Maybe they’re not always the same thing.